when i hear the song 'carriage' i can't help but apply every single word to how i feel about you......everything stays inside of both of us, destined to be repressed forever......"i miss your hair, you miss my eyes....." i can daydream about your eyes for hours on end but i'm always afraid to look directly into them........it's some sort of sickness i can't explain, a feverishness that overtakes me when you get too close.......every time I breathe you in it gets harder to delineate what is reality and what I want to be real…………the last time I got too close to you, I imagined you grabbing me and holding onto me like it was the only thing that made sense……I imagined our lips entangled, the start of something that should be…….i almost convinced myself that there was no one but us….…I have to tell you because I’ll never be able to tell you….i love you………I almost know you love me too………...i can feel it when you hug me hello……..i’m sure you feel my near desperation to be close to you, the aching that fills every corner of my body……..it shouldn’t be hard….it makes nothing more than perfect sense……….i hope you know what I mean and at the same time I don’t………in the end, the words won’t matter……..nothing stays the same……….except this………..

Ghosts

i heard a song the other day and i thought of you.......it was about being in love with a memory....how every girl in the county would swear your heart was made of stone.........i wonder if i could have ever chipped away, the master sculptor that i am, and created a heart that could love me.....in my dreams you stand in my doorway and i am always unprepared.....my tongue depraved of wit, my thoughts sluggish and confused........i feel less like myself than i ever have.....

Everytime you say you want me, i look behind me to make sure it's me you're pointing at.

Here

"I've resigned to a life of quiet complacence."

all these pieces that rub against each other, abrasive. i want to smooth them over and create the perfect fit.........i see us as we're not.......i see us as we were......i can't see us here....how we are right now.........poised to strike........bitterness overflowing.........your mediocre appreciation of my existance is alarming........my rage towards your lack of understanding frightens me..........all i wanted was now......but now that we're here, i wish i had yesterday back........sometimes it's like you've thrown open your hearts door and told me to leave, to find a kindred soul who's feet would never touch the ground.......side by side with mine........i'm sleeping on mountain tops in my mind.......the moon low enought to touch or maybe i'm high enough to reach.........buried down deep in my own vitality to keep warm..........

i could never leave.....i'm sewn into every fiber of you.........i would have to tear myself apart inch by inch......but it seems as though you're helping the process along, plucking at the seams.......

i have made a lot of mistakes...........but noticing the light in your eyes was the worst one.

only recently did i realize that the reason you are threaded throughout my daily thoughts is becasue i dream of you.

Snippets

Some lyrics and lines I like that I don't want to forget.

"Have you ever been alone in a crowded room when I'm here with you?"
"We were boxing the stars."
"My heart is yours."
"You can breathe, you can breathe now, you can breathe but the air is running out."
"Where are you now? I'm writing you a symphony of sound. This is my mixed tape for her. It's like I wrote every note with my own fingers."


The pattern of your breath changes everything.

She doesn't want to sell her pet.

It broke my heart.